Disclaimer: This post is long, and a vent. Read at your own discretion.
Lately, I have found myself to be very frustrated. I've always had an idea in my head of what a married woman should be like. Clean home, good cook, helpful, looks well kept, takes delicious food to gatherings, prepared for events (birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, weddings, etc.) I'm none of those things.
My house (apartment) is a mess, I don't know how to cook, I always wear my hair in a ponytail and never wear makeup, I buy chips or something else unhealthy for gatherings (at the last minute - usually on the way there, while running late), and do any shopping for events at the last minute or forget all together.
I want to be the perfect wife. I want my husband to be happy when he is at home and not having to look at what I haven't gotten done. I want to be a good cook, and eat healthy. We would both benefit from that. I want to feel good about the way I look. I look at people and think "why can't I look like that?"
I don't want to feel bad because all I bring to a potluck is chips or something like that. I want people to rave over the food I brought, and seek me out for the recipe because it is so good. I want to be better prepared for any event, whether it be just sending a card or having a gift wrapped and ready to go. I don't like last minute shopping, not knowing what I'm going to buy and then having to try to wrap it in the parking lot hoping no one will notice how unprepared I am.
Feeling this way doesn't make me happy. I look at everything that needs to be done, and don't know where to start, so I don't do anything. I make up excuses: I'm too tired, my back hurts, I'm in pain, or I want to watch a show on TV. With all these excuses, I end up sitting on the couch all night watching TV and playing on the computer, before going to bed way too late and end up feeling so tired the next day because I didn't get enough sleep.
I'm also frustrated because I really want to walk to 10K at the Manitoba Marathon this year. It`s only 3 weeks away (June 21). Most training schedules that I`ve found require weeks of training (the shortest I`ve found is 8 weeks). There is no way I can even think I`ll be ready. Especially with the way my ankles, knees and hips are. This is yet another thing I`ll regret not being prepared for.
I want to get in shape. I hate feeling out of breath from walking a short distance. I hate not being able to join in on fun activities because I`m afraid someone will make fun of how I look.
I`m tired of feeling like a failure.
I need to do better, and need a plan to stop the cycle.
My plan:
-write down the shows I want to watch each night, and only watch 2 hours worth of TV (anything else can be recorded for another night)
-only 1 hour of computer time at home each night (that should be plenty of time to check email, Facebook and other sites I check). After that hour is up music can be played from the computer, but that`s it.
-when it is nice out, walk home from work (walk along bus route, so if I need to catch a bus I can)
-I will get the apartment clean by July 1, 2009. I will get caught up on laundry (including having it put away) by the same date.
-after this, I will create a weekly cleaning schedule and will stick to it
-I will learn how to cook. I have to realize that not everything will turn out the first time, but I can try again.
-I need to create a meal plan. Using the flyer`s, every saturday I will create the menu for the week, and only get what is needed (this should help bring down the cost of groceries as well) and be able to prepare better for gatherings where food is to be brought.
-one of my goals on my 101 in 1001 was to send out cards to family for birthdays and anniversaries. I will get my master list created by July 1, 2009 and start sending out cards for July events.
I`m hoping all these choices will help me to feel better about myself and about how I feel as a wife. It is not fair to my husband for me to be like that.
Sorry for the pity party, but I needed to write this down.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
3 of 52
I'm sitting here on the couch with Grant watching our wedding video, and realized that I hadn't done this week's blog post yet.
This week was uneventful. We spent a quiet Victoria Day holiday at home, until Grant went to work for the evening (he doesn't get holidays off if they fall Monday - Friday).
I'm still getting everything organized at work. I'm able to start to get a routine going, which will make things much easier once we get extremely busy in the summer with pool heaters.
Saturday night, I had a sleep over at the hospital. There was some concern that I might have sleep apnea, so I had a sleep study. I have to wait until July for the official results, but based on what the technician was saying as she was unhooking all the wires this morning, everything looked ok. That is a relief.
There's not much more to say, so I'll sign off for now.
I'll try to do an update on my goals in the next couple of days.
This week was uneventful. We spent a quiet Victoria Day holiday at home, until Grant went to work for the evening (he doesn't get holidays off if they fall Monday - Friday).
I'm still getting everything organized at work. I'm able to start to get a routine going, which will make things much easier once we get extremely busy in the summer with pool heaters.
Saturday night, I had a sleep over at the hospital. There was some concern that I might have sleep apnea, so I had a sleep study. I have to wait until July for the official results, but based on what the technician was saying as she was unhooking all the wires this morning, everything looked ok. That is a relief.
There's not much more to say, so I'll sign off for now.
I'll try to do an update on my goals in the next couple of days.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
2 of 52
It's very late, but I know I have to do this week's update, so here it is.
It has been a good week.
On Monday, I was finally able to move into the office at work. It's great to be able to get everything set up the way that I want it, and know that I'm not going to have to move it again right away.
Tuesday was a normal day at work, and then I went to trivia in the evening. We did alright in the games.
On Wednesday, we started having computer issues at work, which resulted in the computer going into the shop to get downgraded to XP from Vista. We didn't get it back until Thursday.
I spent Thursday putting the programs back onto the computer, and getting them to work. I was having firewall issues and those issues actually took until Friday morning to figure out, but I was very glad when I did, since I was already 3 days behind in my work.
We had Mom, Dad and Charlotte here on Saturday. Shortly after Mom and Dad arrived, Dad, Charlotte and I headed off to get the cars switched over to Manitoba plates from the Saskatchewan ones. It took quite awhile to get everything figured out, but eventually we did and now the car has Manitoba plates.
I made supper and we played a game before Mom and Dad headed out to Selena and Curtis's to sleep (since we don't have a spare room here)
On Sunday, we headed out to Selena and Curtis's for a family day and to also be there for their housewarming. It's great being together with family and to create memories and have lots of laughs (and there were lots of laughs).
I'm planning on walking the 10K at the Manitoba Marathon on June 21, so starting this week, I am going to buy a new pair of runners, and start on training for that.
Sorry I don`t have any pictures to post, but we are still getting used to having a camera, and keep forgetting to use it, or to make sure we take it with us when we are going somewhere.
It has been a good week.
On Monday, I was finally able to move into the office at work. It's great to be able to get everything set up the way that I want it, and know that I'm not going to have to move it again right away.
Tuesday was a normal day at work, and then I went to trivia in the evening. We did alright in the games.
On Wednesday, we started having computer issues at work, which resulted in the computer going into the shop to get downgraded to XP from Vista. We didn't get it back until Thursday.
I spent Thursday putting the programs back onto the computer, and getting them to work. I was having firewall issues and those issues actually took until Friday morning to figure out, but I was very glad when I did, since I was already 3 days behind in my work.
We had Mom, Dad and Charlotte here on Saturday. Shortly after Mom and Dad arrived, Dad, Charlotte and I headed off to get the cars switched over to Manitoba plates from the Saskatchewan ones. It took quite awhile to get everything figured out, but eventually we did and now the car has Manitoba plates.
I made supper and we played a game before Mom and Dad headed out to Selena and Curtis's to sleep (since we don't have a spare room here)
On Sunday, we headed out to Selena and Curtis's for a family day and to also be there for their housewarming. It's great being together with family and to create memories and have lots of laughs (and there were lots of laughs).
I'm planning on walking the 10K at the Manitoba Marathon on June 21, so starting this week, I am going to buy a new pair of runners, and start on training for that.
Sorry I don`t have any pictures to post, but we are still getting used to having a camera, and keep forgetting to use it, or to make sure we take it with us when we are going somewhere.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
1 of 52 (Again!)
I’ve been told that I need to update my blog (it has been over 3 months since I last wrote anything, so I guess it is time). I guess I'll have to start my numbering back at the beginning as well.
I’ve been slowly settling into the apartment since the wedding. I am finding it hard to find a place for everything, (which probably means I have too much stuff) since there isn’t much storage space. I may have to go buy some extra storage supplies.
Shortly after the wedding, I had an appointment with a General Surgeon regarding my gall bladder. (I had an attack back in November that was painful enough to send me to the ER instead of being at work.) His suggestion was to go ahead and take out my gall bladder, so we booked a surgery date of February 11. He was able to do the surgery lapriscopially (with the camera and stuff), which considerably cut down on how long it took me to recover.
Mom and Dad came to visit on the February long weekend, and while they were here, they got us part of our Wedding gift from them. Since the apartment doesn’t have much storage space, they got us a 6 foot stand alone pantry. After it was assembled, Mom helped (closer to Mom did everything, and I made suggestions) with organizing everything in it, and it looks wonderful.
Right before I went on leave at work to have my gall bladder surgery, I gave my notice that I would be leaving Lakeview at the end of March. I had been approached by a fellow at church (whom I had worked with before at another job), to work for him as he was buying a plumbing and heating company from someone who was wanting to retire. So, starting April 1, I am the Office Manager for his company. The past couple weeks, however, I have been working on and off out of his office in the basement of his house, as the office space that is being rented, was being renovated, and we are finally moving into the office on Monday, May 11.
Grant is still working for the same security company on the same contract. Unfortunately, in the middle of February, his hours were cut from 8 hours a day, to 5 hours a day. There was no timeline given as to how long the reduced hours would be lasting, so we keep hoping that they will be increased soon.
In our spare time, we still both enjoy playing Buzztime Trivia. With the change in my work hours, I try to play on Tuesday and Friday evenings with the team, and then Grant and I usually head out on Saturday evening to play with whomever from the team shows up that night. (There are different Premium games on each night of the week.)
Recently, after dropping the car off at the shop to get saftied, I was crossing the street to get to the bus stop on the other side of the street, and was 2/3 of the way across, when suddenly a car appeared out of nowhere. The car and I ended up colliding, and I ended up on the ground. The driver did stop and helped me off the ground, and also gave me a ride to a bus stop a little further down the road. I did decide though, that I probably should get checked out instead of going to work. I went to Urgent Care at the local hospital, and nothing was broken, but I was very sore for a couple of days.
We are looking forward to having Mom and Dad here for supper on Saturday. Though, since we don't have a table yet, we are going table shopping this week.
I'll post an update to my goals soon.
I’ve been slowly settling into the apartment since the wedding. I am finding it hard to find a place for everything, (which probably means I have too much stuff) since there isn’t much storage space. I may have to go buy some extra storage supplies.
Shortly after the wedding, I had an appointment with a General Surgeon regarding my gall bladder. (I had an attack back in November that was painful enough to send me to the ER instead of being at work.) His suggestion was to go ahead and take out my gall bladder, so we booked a surgery date of February 11. He was able to do the surgery lapriscopially (with the camera and stuff), which considerably cut down on how long it took me to recover.
Mom and Dad came to visit on the February long weekend, and while they were here, they got us part of our Wedding gift from them. Since the apartment doesn’t have much storage space, they got us a 6 foot stand alone pantry. After it was assembled, Mom helped (closer to Mom did everything, and I made suggestions) with organizing everything in it, and it looks wonderful.
Right before I went on leave at work to have my gall bladder surgery, I gave my notice that I would be leaving Lakeview at the end of March. I had been approached by a fellow at church (whom I had worked with before at another job), to work for him as he was buying a plumbing and heating company from someone who was wanting to retire. So, starting April 1, I am the Office Manager for his company. The past couple weeks, however, I have been working on and off out of his office in the basement of his house, as the office space that is being rented, was being renovated, and we are finally moving into the office on Monday, May 11.
Grant is still working for the same security company on the same contract. Unfortunately, in the middle of February, his hours were cut from 8 hours a day, to 5 hours a day. There was no timeline given as to how long the reduced hours would be lasting, so we keep hoping that they will be increased soon.
In our spare time, we still both enjoy playing Buzztime Trivia. With the change in my work hours, I try to play on Tuesday and Friday evenings with the team, and then Grant and I usually head out on Saturday evening to play with whomever from the team shows up that night. (There are different Premium games on each night of the week.)
Recently, after dropping the car off at the shop to get saftied, I was crossing the street to get to the bus stop on the other side of the street, and was 2/3 of the way across, when suddenly a car appeared out of nowhere. The car and I ended up colliding, and I ended up on the ground. The driver did stop and helped me off the ground, and also gave me a ride to a bus stop a little further down the road. I did decide though, that I probably should get checked out instead of going to work. I went to Urgent Care at the local hospital, and nothing was broken, but I was very sore for a couple of days.
We are looking forward to having Mom and Dad here for supper on Saturday. Though, since we don't have a table yet, we are going table shopping this week.
I'll post an update to my goals soon.
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